8. Managing Fear and Uncertainty

Hello hello, today we are going to be talking about managing fear and uncertainty.

So currently things feel uncertain.

I know humanity in general we are always juggling uncertainty but we are mid year 2026, past the mid year actually and especially here in the US it feels very uncertain.

We're in a recession essentially that nobody really wants to call a recession, our government is going ballistic and bombing places, the economy is in flux, there's a lot going on.

And if I had to hazard a guess, other people whether you're in the US or not are feeling this uncertainty and so even if you're not in your country, in your location feeling global uncertainty, maybe you're not as connected to what's happening externally, I'm sure there have been times and will be times of feeling fear and uncertainty internally.

On a personal level I have navigated a lot of fear and uncertainty, particularly in the last decade of my life.

I married young and divorced before my 30s with two young kids in my early 20s as well, I was recovering from a cult that I joined in college, that's a whole other story.

If you ever meet me in person, happy to share, it's always fun to talk about it.

Explored my spirituality in a way that has completely changed my belief from growing up one particular way that defined my present life and my afterlife right to something completely different.

Navigating housing insecurity, food insecurity and the honestly semi-inevitable mental health struggles that come with that.

Being poor is expensive as people say, I will say I'm in a much better space now and I'm still navigating certain levels of uncertainty.

So I have discovered some tools along the way that have really helped me and I want to share them.

I have not figured it out, like honestly I would love to hear from you as well what tools you use to navigate fear and uncertainty, you can join the conversation on Blue Sky.

But I'm not a guru, I'm not somebody who knows it all, I'm not a psychologist, this is for educational purposes only.

Of course if you are really struggling with fear and uncertainty, I just want to offer this caveat, go get help.

That's one of the biggest things, I didn't actually have that in my notes but biggest most obvious thing, get help.

Fear and uncertainty can isolate us, we can feel like nobody has ever experienced this or we've created these problems in our lives so we need to figure it out or we should have our shit together but when we step into community so many of those burdens drop.

It may not immediately answer all our questions, we may not immediately feel safe and cozy and secure but we're not alone.

And that can look like a mental health professional, that can look like getting medication if needed, that can look like additional resources so this is not to be in place of those things when we need that level of support but here are some tools outside of that realm that I've found helpful.

It's not like a 12 step plan necessarily but they are kind of chronological, it's almost like the stages of grief but like navigating fear and uncertainty but really they're tools so whenever you feel yourself out of equilibrium in an area you can pick up one of these tools and try them on and see okay maybe right now I need to be doing this first point or maybe this third point.

So let me jump in, it will feel chronological but again these can be used in any order.

So the first tool that has been really beneficial for me is not fighting against it, not fighting against my fear and uncertainty.

So this one really does feel foundational when fear is creeping in, uncertainty is really creeping in, the first instinct is to double down to find ways to make myself feel certain to get questions answered, to eliminate decisions, you know just be ruthless about squashing the fear and uncertainty but I have found that the swiftest and smoothest path through fear and uncertainty for me or the swiftest and smoothest path to being able to dwell with it if it's not going to completely dissipate is to not fight against it.

Many times I will get to that point and I'll even mention some tools here that are more active that are kind of waging war against it, standing against it but I have found that I need to fully express, let the fear and uncertainty fully blossom and fully be expressed.

Again this advice varies person to person, you have to know yourself, you know if you have an anxiety disorder or something that needs a more professional touch, take this all with a grain of salt, you know yourself best, I don't know you well enough to give you direct advice on this but for me and I do have a lot of anxiety and this might not have been helpful at certain points but at this stage for me it's helpful to interrogate the fear, the uncertainty.

I ask myself what is it pointing to, where is it showing what I value, what am I afraid to lose, where is it showing my areas of thin capacity, places where I'm like man if I just had this, this would not feel so looming, it's showing me where okay maybe my capacity is thin, maybe I need to plug into my community, my resources, my abundance.

What is my worst outcome?

Sometimes I let myself catastrophize, how bad can it get?

What am I truly afraid of?

What are the stories that frame my life?

What people are afraid of, what external events etc. trigger a feeling of uncertainty say a lot about us as people and it gives me a chance to learn myself more deeply.

I interrogate it, I allow it to be a mirror, not immediately to fix but simply to know myself more deeply and this has been a tremendous tool.

Another benefit of it is just like the expansiveness it creates, when we are wrestling against an emotion that we're feeling, for me it feels tight and constrictive and it's very heady and you know sometimes I get headaches, stress headaches and there's this tension and my jaw is clenched, why?

Because we're at war within ourselves, we're feeling this feeling and we're simultaneously telling ourselves don't feel this, it's like two parts at war.

When we just breathe and allow that part of ourselves that is terrified to speak and to give it's wisdom, there is also a release and a pressure valve opened by doing that.

For me it feels like going underwater and I don't like going underwater actually, I don't like my head going underwater but that refreshing, for me I guess maybe it feels like a shower, like stepping under the shower head for a moment just letting it run and it's just every drop is loosening my muscles and my jaw and my furrowed brow and I step out of it and there's just this freshness to it.

That's what it feels like when we're just like you know what, fuck it, okay I'm terrified, let me just feel the terror, let me not spiritually bypass it, let me not do any toxic positivity, let me let myself feel it.

So that's one of my biggest tools is not fighting against fear initially.

The second tool I love is defining it.

So I kind of started touching on this but really understanding what am I afraid of and what actually feels uncertain.

Big looming emotions feel just that, big and looming, hazy around the edges, insurmountable because of their size and their wispiness, their lack of definition.

When they're more bite-sized, more tangible, more concrete, they become easier to navigate.

What does this look like?

It looks like continuing to ask yourself questions and bringing your mind on board so you can ask you know what am I actually afraid of and you allow that to unravel but also bringing your body along for the ride.

Notice how you tighten and relax and quicken and slow around certain things.

This provides you valuable, invaluable information that bypasses the brain because we want to be our aspirational selves.

So I've definitely been in situations where I'm afraid of X, Y, Z but I don't feel like I should be or I should be beyond that or I'm more elevated and conscious.

I shouldn't be afraid of such a human mundane thing and our brains kind of get in the way but my body tells the story.

When I think about this thing, my heart picks up, I tighten, I feel nauseous, right?

So I don't want you to beat this point to death.

I don't want us to like hold ourselves hostage and say give me the info.

Body tell me where you're mad, tell me where you're, not even mad, I'm saying mad because now I'm acting like I'm mad.

Body tell me where you're afraid, where uncertain, why, why, why, why?

We want to be gentle with ourselves throughout this whole process.

We may not have the words or the clarity for everything and we might not have it right away but we want to open the conversation within ourselves to define what am I actually afraid of, what actually feels uncertain.

We may be surprised to dig and dig and dig and realize that we actually have a lot of capacity for the uncertainty but there's a key piece.

Maybe we don't know this one person's reaction in this situation and that's actually the biggest thing that is keeping us tight.

Maybe we are okay with some elements that feel scary but this point right here just feels too much.

And once we know then our brain immediately starts looking for ways to resolve this and that comes to the next point.

Make a plan for what you can control.

So through all this exploration you'll begin to have this image of okay what is actually happening right?

Part of uncertainty is that it's uncertain.

We don't know what's going to happen so that is always in the equation but there's likely a specific outcome that we're most afraid of right?

Or a certain path we don't want to see materialize.

So make a plan for what you can control in the situation.

We will find ourselves undersupporting or oversupporting ourselves maybe even in the same situation meaning that very naturally we make plans for things but if we have not defined what we're actually afraid of, if we haven't defined the outcome we want then we may be over constraining the equation in one area so pouring a lot of energy trying to solve and control this area and not directing as much energy in another area where if we flip-flopped or evened that or cut one and put one here whatever in terms of our energy and our attention and intention we would actually feel better right?

And so this is about calibration.

Allow yourself to be clear in what you can control and focus on taking action in that direction.

This is pretty cliche but it's cliche for a reason but I will admonish you like when you feel fatigued stop and then when you're energized move.

Again we don't want to be harsh with ourselves.

We don't want to be a taskmaster like okay now I know that I feel uncertain about revenue in the winter because things slow down and so I'm going to build out this new service line.

We're going to start we're not going to just do outdoor patios.

We're going to move to do basement remodels that we can do in the winter.

Let me build out the service line in two weeks and start marketing in three weeks and right.

Don't bring yourself out.

It's just going to add to the stress and the fear because now you're not going to have the energy to actually handle the things that you can control.

So stay attuned to yourself.

I know we when we have a direction we want to run but stay tuned to yourself.

I want to drive the point home by really emphasizing that there is a difference in the body between steadily and expansively covering your domain.

I think of like like a garden like you have a wild garden and steadily throughout the summer weeks and months foot by foot garden bed by garden bed weeding and planting new flowers and fertilizing right versus like frightenedly scurrying to gain some semblance of control.

And this feels like you're starving and some food has dropped from above and you're just like scrabbling on the cobblestones.

I don't know why we're in like England in the slums but like you're like scrabbling for food like I got to get something I got to get some level of control right.

Very different images.

We do love and bless all pieces of ourselves and we don't vilify that like hungry orphan waif that is like shits about to hit the fan I need to get control where I can get it.

And we want to really allow that more expansive adult centered part of ourselves to engage when we are making a plan for what we can control.

We want the gardener who is covering her domain and plucking the weeds and preparing for harvest more so than the waif.

But we still love the waif and we give them a voice and we nurture them and love them.

By the way I'm mentioning parts a lot and I have mentioned parts in a previous podcast episode.

I think it's the fourth fourth installment of the heroine's journey which would be episode number four.

It'll be linked below.

I also have a blog post about part work.

I absolutely love part work.

It doesn't work for everybody.

Some people find it actually distressing or fragmenting but it has been pivotal for me in understanding myself my motivations and self-compassion.

So I really encourage you to take a look at that more.

Okay so my three tools so far not fighting against the fear and uncertainty defining the fear and uncertainty and then making a plan for what you can control when experiencing fear and uncertainty.

And the fourth one the fourth one is to play.

So when we are in those moments of fatigue or we're feeling overwhelmed as we're working our plan as we're just navigating and staying fluid with what's happening around us.

We need to remember to play to indulge to connect to what feels human alive and unrestrictedly delightful.

So do what you can do.

You know when we're in the midst of fear and uncertainty which can and often will send us into a sympathetic state you know fight flight freeze fawn shut down.

It can be hard to stop and do something like grandiose for example like if you are in the jungle and you feel like a tiger is chasing you or you see a tiger chasing you you're not going to stop and be like oh I think I'm going to set up camp here for three days and have a weekend retreat and play in the pool right.

Your body is like what the fuck are you doing babe like let's go.

You're about to get eaten.

And that's how we feel when this deadline is chasing us when this bill is chasing us when this family issue is looming.

Feels like we're going to die.

Feels like something's chasing us.

And so saying stop unplug completely for the weekend set this completely aside is not always feasible.

But what may be feasible is slowing down your coffee ritual buying a little bit more expensive coffee and doing your pour over whatever hipstery thing people do with coffee these days I don't drink coffee.

I do decaf here and there.

It may be working in a beautiful location to do your admin work instead of your home office.

It may be putting on an outfit that feels slightly fancier than what it's called for but makes you feel sexy as hell.

Yes.

You know hip swishing.

Yes.

Sometimes.

Sometimes you got to do that.

Some give yourself an orgasm.

I know this this show is rated E for a reason because we're going to keep it real.

Sometimes you just need a little body reset.

You know if you're your heart's racing your cortisol spikes just get you your rose and just enjoy right.

It's a great reset.

So we cannot let this crazy ass world take away our humanity our moment by moment living like what is this all for if not to live and let other lives make the world a better place for others to also be able to live like what is the point what is the point of the bills and the company and the school and the running around and the extracurriculars and the cars and this and that what is the literal point if we're not living right.

So connect back to that connect back to that.

I think nature is a great way to do that.

I love nature.

I worship nature.

I'm so grateful to Mother Nature for all that she does for us like nature is the ultimate reset get your feet in the ground get your face in the sun in the wind in the rain anything anything you can get a hold of right.

Just get it get you a little house plant and just put your face close to it you know.

So those are the four tools that have been so key and essential to me in navigating fear and uncertainty not fighting against it defining the fear and uncertainty making a plan for what I can control and then playing playing and honestly if we've been in survival mode for a while play is hard play has been a focus of mine this year and I'm just now like have like three things and I'm like oh when I'm not working and twitching around about stuff I can do these things these are the ways that I am energized because it's so easy to get lost in business lost in our different roles.

So my hope for you and for me is that we continue to navigate the ups and downs of life with grace tenacity ferocity gentleness shakiness firmness all the things that ultimately at the end of the day we connect and remain centered in our humanity and the human experience as we navigate this beautiful and terrifying world.

As always I love to hear from you blue sky is a great place to chat it up feel free to send us an email anywhere you find us reach out to us until next time.